My Life sequal to My Man
by PiTaBambina
Summary: Spike's point of view... his search for Buffy is a success, but leaves questions.


This is a sequal to My Man. It's in Spike's point of view, and mostly an explanation on how he came to be in the previous story.

Nothing belongs to me, only Joss Whendon (Goddof the Buffyverse), WB, UPN and ME.

WARNING: Character death

Italisized with is a quote from the Fates.

My Life

by PiTaBambina

I was sitting at the small table in Sussex, England sipping on a hot cuppa, when I sensed her. It was faint at first, a hint of vanilla… a splash of citrus. Then _her._ Her essence. Sweet, strong, musky, sexual… splash of power. I've sensed a few slayers hither and fro in my brief travels, hell some have sensed me with my _traces _of Vampire. Fought a few, always came out on top, convincing them that I was different. Always got a rush. A good fight warms the blood, and the soul.

It had been a year since it happened. Shanshu. Never understood the word. Briefly looked into it, but since the hoax by , couldn't bear to _tease _myself with the false hope.

Then, the senior partners stepped in, fought us. Gunn didn't survive the first attack 'cuz of his injuries fighting the Senator's vamps. Allyria flowed like a hellion, yet because o' her leakin' her petrol… she no longer had the indistructive power she came into our dimension with. The Senior's were stronger and she lost. Although, I have a notion she was lost a long time before that, and Book-Man's death pushed her over the edge. She was right pissed about it when she told us, or so it seemed. Think maybe she hid her despair, to be a trooper. She didn't fight like she ought to, but she helped me and Angel survive the worst before she herself succumbed to defeat.

Angel took a blade in the belly. Lost most of the blood he had "stored" in his living carcass of a Vampire's body. He was weak. He saved me. We were done, or so I thought. We were about to walk back to the Hyperion as our safe place. A very large "Japanesish" demon was about to stick me from behind… not that it would have killed me, but it would have incapacitated me. Angel shoved me to the side and got the Samurai sword stuck through him. Not the first time, hell I did it to him myself, recently. Then I took my sword a lopped off the demon's head. Then it was really and finally over.

Helping Angel enter the Hotel, we smelled something… something powerful, stronger than anything I've ever smelled. Angel said he's smelled it before, but it was fading for him. He couldn't place it. Funny, it was getting stronger for me, but then he did lose a lot of blood. Blood, it's what gives us life.. s'why we drink it… makes us warm, hard, its life. Makes sense that if you lose a lot, as immortal as vampires are, you would lose your sense of smell. When the first tried to drain me for the seal on the Hell mouth, I actually went blind for a day or so. So, it makes sense.

_"Liam… William. Welcome back."_

There they were. The fates. Although I never smelled their scent before, nor have I ever seen them, I knew. I just knew who they were. The Powers That Be… have sent the Fates to us. Twins, yin and yang, good and evil, positive and negative. Me and Angel, at one time. Me and Buffy at another.

_"You both were very brave. You have fought the Senior Partners of Wolfram and Hart, and succeeded today. Although it is not over yet. They won't bother you for many years, William, but they will return. And so will the First. No, you have not defeated the First, only his minions, which allowed you to save the Slayers."_

Why were they only talking to me? Why weren't they saying anything to Angel?

_"We will speak to Liam when it's time. Don't worry William, we know things. Your thought being one. We are here to reward you both…._

… _yes, both of you. You've heard of the Shanshu. Angel signed his away, but it was a sacrifice for the good. To save the world by winning the trust of the Black Thorn. He did what was needed. He knew from the vision that was given to him by Cordelia, through the Powers That Be. Cordelia was a higher being, like us. We serve the Powers, and we are able to grant favors, such as the vision…_

…_yes, she ascended to our level, to help with the pain of the visions. We helped her to become part demon, with the condition that she ascends to our level, to provide a balance. Angle will still receive his gift of Shanshu, in the form of his desire. Shanshu means "life", and for a vampire with a soul it means "to live again". For Liam, he wanted to become human, but not until he was ready. He wanted to be strong enough to help the helpless and not become the helpless himself. He made that choice four years ago when he was human for one day. With our help, by his request, the day was erased, reverted to prevent him from being infected with the demon's blood that made him human. He is finished now…_

…_his desire to become human will be fulfilled. However, he will not survive. His wounds he was inflicted with recently while fighting the Seniors are fatal. Not to worry, William. Though they are fatal, he will ascend himself, where he can help people using his namesake. He will go to Heaven, and become an angel. He will be with you and others, guiding you in your turmoil as they come. He's a hero, and his time on earth is complete."_

A faint glow appeared from the beings, the Fates. It rippled and floated toward us. Then it took Angel's limp form from me and lifted him towards the ceiling. He started glowing. His skin vibrated with a golden hue, and his eyes were lighted with a piercing blue light. He screamed as though he was in agony, and I saw the blue light escaping his mouth. He slowly sank down to the floor and the invisible ripple was inhaled by Angel. I watched as his skin stopped glowing but was given the healthy color of life. Then I saw through his skin the ripple starting his heart, a red light glowing through his chest, then a purple glow in his lungs. I looked up into his eyes and his pain turned into elation. I looked up and saw the Fates turn to give us some space.

Holding Angel's head in my lap, he looked at me while we both held his hand down on his belly. The sword wound he inflicted while saving my life was still there and more blood started oozing from it. I looked back at Angel.

"Spike… are you crying?"

I wiped a tear away, feeling a bit foolish. "So, what of it? I've known you for sodden ever, you Git. May 'ave hated you, pro'lly still do. But you made me what I am, and for all it's worth, you led me to Buffy. My love for her led me to my soul, which in turn led me here. So, it's your bloody fault if I'm crying over you! Bleedin' soul."

He chuckled a bit, then coughed… blood.

"Look, I know I'm dying, but they're right. The Fates are right. I'm done. I still love Buffy, but I've also fallen in love with Cordelia. Now I can be with her. My friends are there too. We never found out where Fred's soul went, so I'm hoping it's in Heaven, with Wesley. Wesley, my best friend. Gunn, oh… Charles! He fought so hard…."

He was getting weaker, struggling…

"Spike… find her. I know you love her… and Andrew said she loved us both… that means she loves you too. I know you said you didn't believe her when she told you she loved you, she told me that while she was here last summer, but I knew she was lying when she told me you were right to not believe her. I knew… I knew she lied to me that night I gave her the amulet in Sunnydale…."

His skin turned from the healthy light tan to a pale, sickly bluish tone. He was coughing even more. He shouldn't be talking, but I knew better than to interrupt him. What he was saying was important for me to hear, and he would fight death until the last syllable was spoken. I figures he'd be in less pain if he got it all out now instead of fighting me to say it.

"…She loves you, Spike. Go find her. Be with her. At least…" His voice was so weak. I almost told him to stop talking… "… at least, keep her from the Immortal!"

We both laughed. Then it happened. He looked up at the chandelier in the ceiling, took a few shallow breaths, then slowly exhaled… his new mortal life escaping through his body, dying his mortal death. I felt it, his soul, a warm, feathery vibration… circling me, ascending to Heaven. I felt… protected, and… loved. Liam finally became the angel he was meant to be. I whispered goodbye, and used my fingers to gently close his eyelids. And I cried.

_"William. Come with us."_

We walked out to the courtyard, the sun was about to rise. The smell of jasmine filled my senses… and the Fates unique blend of frankincense, myrrh and… olive oil?

_"The same scents that were given to Jesus when he was born. Yes, he existed. He was a man to be honored and cherished. One of many in the whole existence of life on earth. William, it is your time. We will now give you your reward. We know you don't necessarily want to be human. You are like Liam, you want to not be the victim, or to be helpless. You are needed as a Vampire. And will continue to be needed for many years to come. But you must also live your life worthy of the Slayer. _The_ Slayer, not just any slayer. She will be rewarded with your help. Live your _life, _worthy of her. We are giving you your Shanshu, your life. Your heart will beat, blood will flow. You will eat, sleep, desecrate, procreate…."_

They smiled after saying that. What did that mean?

_"All in due time, William. You will be able to go into the sunlight. You will breathe. And, when the time comes, you will die your mortal death, even by "old age", if and when the time comes. Obviously, anything that kills a Vampire, aside from crosses, garlic and sunlight will kill you as it would a human. A stake in the heart… fatal, but you won't disintegrate into ash and dust. You will also be vulnerable to disease, and accidents, even homicide. But, you will be strong, like a slayer. You will be more human than a vampire already is, what with being in a human façade and being sired from human to vampire to begin with. You will be worthy, as you already are… but remember you must live your life wo…."_

"…worthy of the Slayer." They smiled, and I saw the ripple again. It consumed me. I felt it flow through me by way of my mouth and nose. I inhaled a deep breath, filling my lungs with the breath of new life. I was blinded by a searing blue light. The pain was immense! I felt like I was screaming in a burning pain, but my ears were muffled… and all I could hear was my own heart beating. My heart. It was beating! The sounds came back, my sight came back. I was out of breath and had to forcibly inhale and exhale rapidly to bring my body the much desired relief. I looked up and realized I was lying on the floor. Pulling my head up, my chin to my chest, I saw the fading red and purple glow of my beating heart and inflating and deflating lungs. Slowly, I stood up. My legs were shaking like a newborn colt. I was scared, joyous, shocked, and curious.

_"All your questions will be answered in time, William. Now you must go and find her."_

And that was that. Before they left, I saw a glowing box sitting on the counter. The light pulsated in a manner that I could only construe as "getting my attention". A note on the top read:

"To help you live your life, William."

I knew it was from the Fates. In it, I found a green card, driver's license, passport, visa, job history list, educational background list, a photo album of me as a young child growing up, a checkbook with a balance of $8,000.00 American dollars, savings bonds totaling over $20,000.00 American dollars, doctor's records, a signed Divorce petition naming a Druscilla Huntington as my ex-wife of all things, a birth certificate with my place of birth as North London, England, and a pocket watch with a photo of my mother, Anne, and an engraving from the father I never met. "To Anne and our young William, may your lives be enriched in love and prosperity, always. Love and warmest regards, your husband, Richard." On my birth certificate, and driver's license, it said I was born August 28th, 1972. That would make me 32 years old in this year of 2004. The photo album also showed photos of me and Dawn during the year we all fought Glory, when she had that crush on me. Also photos of Buffy and her mum, and a few of the Scoobies. There was also a book, which looked like a journal, sitting at the bottom. There was a crystal on the cover, eliminated from within, pulsating with a pink color. As I went to grab it, my palm touched the crystal and instantly, except for the knowledge that this life was new and created by the Fates, "memories" were created in my brain, of this altered, fact yet fiction life. I guess it's to help me "keep my story straight" if I were to be questioned.

The last thing I found was a brand new leather wallet, empty of my credentials, but filled to the brim with 100's, 50's, 20's, 10's, 5's, and 1's, equaling about $430 American dollars. Also, a credit card and a key for a post office box in Down Town L.A.

I had a plan. I was going to fly to Rome and find her. So I did. But, her neighbor, who barely spoke English, said she moved back to England with her father. Her sister went with her upon graduation of her studies at University. Her father? Hank? Or Giles? Most likely Giles. And Dawn. All grown up. So, I was off to England. I arrived in London a few weeks ago. Couldn't find her. After asking around about a young blondish American girl who likes to shop for foot wear, people have recalled meeting someone like her in both Manchester and Sussex. I tried Sussex first. And the boy was there. Andrew, sippin' on a cuppa at a tea house on the corner. After the hugs he attacked me with and my brief explanation of my life, he again was sworn to secrecy. I assured him, however, that I wanted to find Buffy and tell her myself. He said on Thursdays, he and Dawn do their studies for Watcher Training and Buffy is always bored to tears, and offers to come here to bring back tea and coffee for us. So I planned to be there for her arrival.

Thursday came, and I waited. I was nervous to say the least. I've come for her, to live my live worthy of the Slayer. My Slayer. Then, I smelled her. Vanilla and citrus, musky with power. It was her. I saw her as I turned to view her through the corner of my eye.

"William?"

I looked at her. There she was. The vision of her presence, more beautiful than I remembered, than what I was looking for. A tear slowly rolled down her cheek. I lifted my hand and gently wiped it away.

"How?" she asked.

"He did it, luv. He won his life. Yet, he couldn't live it. He signed it away. One last act of selflessness before battling the Senior Partners. He gave up his "Shanshu". The Fates, er, the Powers that Be, I guess? They jumped in, gave him his reward anyway, knowing, and not stopping his inevitable death. Fatal injuries and all. He died. They said he is now living his ultimate reward, in Heaven. The place for heroes. "The place you will end up in 40 odd years, William." they said to me. "When you die your mortal death.""

She looked right at me, her eyes shifting from left to right, trying to look at both my eyes at the same time.

"They gave me my "Shanshu" as well, luv. But it's not what I thought. "You must live your life worthy of the Slayer." they said. The Slayer, luv. That's you." I then morphed into my Vampiric façade, to help her understand what I was saying. I saw from her expression that she did.

"Always said you need a little monster in your man."

She smiled and whispered something barely audible. I don't even think she meant to say it out loud. But, I heard it…

"My man."

And there she was. My Slayer, my love… My Life.

THE END


End file.
